I don’t think I have ever loved my body. I am definitely one of those people who has areas they hate and think of themselves as a little chunky, and then look back at that time and realise how slim they were.
Pre-pregnancy I was carrying a little weight but was still a size 10 as I had been for years. During pregnancy I put on THREE STONE and I personally think that I looked like a whale (see my pregnancy photos here).
I hate the photos of me in early motherhood because I was obviously still carrying that weight and I don’t look like me.
Fast forward a few months and I was slimmer than I had been for a couple of years. I was back in skinny jeans thanks to breastfeeding and buggy circuits (though breastfeeding was definitely the big reason). Then at around four months I stopped exercising and the breastfeeding slowed down before stopping a few months later.
I am now a year down the line. I haven’t stuck to any exercise for more than two months and have mostly done nothing. I eat good meals but also have a soft spot for chocolate and cake and coco pops, oops.
I have definitely padded out, I mean I’m not big. The picture above was from last month (but was definitely taken at the right angle!!). But I am big for me and I am more soft than toned. My stomach used to always be flat and toned no matter what I ate or how little I exercised I would always wake with a flat stomach. Well I haven’t seen that for a long time.
However, despite feeling soft and chunky and not me. I’m not really bothered. I feel I should be. I feel I should wake up early and do yoga in my bedroom and find time to work out at home and make better food choices. But I am happy.
I feel torn. I have never cared less about my body, though I do feel conscious about my chunky legs (they have always been my worst ‘where the weight goes to first’ area), I am not doing anything about it. But should I? I do have to go up to a 12 in some stores now which I am less bothered about than I thought I would be. I am so proud of what my body did, it grew a fricking human.
I obviously want to be healthy and fit but I also want to sit on the sofa and eat chocolate. It’s the ultimate dilema right?
If you have any fitness inspo please send it my way