January seems to be plodding along quite slowly, and for that I am glad.
For the last seven months, whenever people have asked when I’m to return to work, with a huge grin I have been able to respond “next year”. However, that year is now here and the reality of going back to work and leaving my little man is creeping up.
By using up some annual leave I will be back at work in mid March instead of early February. This is good. But it is only two months away, and I know how quickly it has all gone so far.
I am really struggling with the idea of it. All of it. Leaving Wilf at a nursery, not having him by my side all day, not getting a smile and a giggle at any point, and also the idea of working. I feel like I only know how to mum at the moment.
I never, never thought I would feel like this and the thought of nursery almost brings me to tears. It doesn’t matter that we have found an amazing nursery, it doesn’t matter that I know it will be good for him, it doesn’t matter that he probably won’t miss me. I just cannot get my head around the very idea of it. We have always been so pro nursery for a number of reasons, so why do I feel like this?
I am going to ease back into work with a couple of half KIT days soon. They will be the longest I will have left Wilf in waking hours. Our parents will look after him on these occassions and Duncan’s parents will be doing one day a week childcare for us anyway, which means with my new part time hours, Wilf will only be in nursery two days a week. Doesn’t make it any easier though.
My friend told me to concentrate on the smile that will be on his face when I pick him up after his first full day. I cannot wait to see that face.
For now though I will be making the most of him, of us, of our amazing bond and the freedom of our time together before real life catches up on us.