My anxiety is something that I haven’t spoken about on here before. All my life I have been a shy and quiet individual and assumed I was alone in many of the fears that I experience on a daily basis. I think I saw an article on buzzfeed a couple of years ago which I really related to and so made me realise that I can’t be alone.
So what make me anxious? A whole manner of things. Generally anything which makes it look that I’m not 100% competent in public, talking in situations which aren’t natural or being the centre of attention, ugh, the worst!
Anyway here we go…
- Returning items to a shop – what will they ask? Will they let me return it? I better have a story in place that I will rehearse in my head ten times just in case.
- Picking up a parcel that a neighbour has signed for – will I be disturbing them? How much small talk will I have to make? In what order will I word my explanation as to why I am knocking?
- Answering my phone – do I answer it? How do I sound casual and happy to be talking on the phone? Why don’t they just text me? How soon can I end the conversation? What if I need the loo half way through?
- Involving myself in a group conversation – you haven’t spoken in ages, say something. Okay think carefully about how you will say what you want to say. Look for a gap in the chatter, don’t leave it too long to wait or else the topic will change and it will be even longer since you last spoke. I hope they respond to this.
- Ordering food in a group at a restaurant – when do I speak? What order are they going around the table in? Wait, someone is having the same as me, do I say the name of the dish or comment that I’m having the same?
- Being left alone in an unfamiliar social situation where everyone else is talking in pairs or groups – oh no I’m not talking. Do I make eye contact? Who do I know here? Shall I go over? But what if they don’t want to talk to me? You still haven’t made a move. When is my friend coming back? What topics of conversation can I start with? Is that interesting or will I sound dull?
- Needing the loo at an unfamiliar location – where could they be? Have a look but don’t make it obvious, you don’t want to look like you don’t know. Shall I ask someone? But who? How do I interupt the conversation to excuse me? Maybe I’ll just tell one person.
Writing this has been quite cathartic. I can see that I really over think anything I say in situaions where I’m not entirely comfortable.
I don’t know why my brain works like this. Does anyone else have similar thought patterns? Let me know below.
Thanks for listening to this brain ramble and for making it to the end!