These last two weeks haven’t been like the rest. Somewhere around the six week mark things shifted. My confidence surged. I got this, I can do this, I know my baby boy better now, I can respond to his needs without stressing. I know what soothes him and when he is actually hungry instead of wanting to suckle for comfort.
I’m not sure how or exactly when this happened but I feel so much happier. I’m sure that reassurance from health professionals that he is doing well has helped. Also praise and reassurance from those around me who have gone through this whole parenting malarky means more than I’m sure they realise.
As the weeks pass by, our little boy is growing very quickly, we have beautiful smiles and stretched out limbs. We have new noises, longer stretches of sleep at night and someone who is more content when not being held.
Although, is it bad the joy that surges over me when no-one can soothe his cries but me? I feel guilt over this but also such happiness that he still needs and wants me.
Yes there are still those tough moments and times when I just want to spend a few hours without worrying about my little man. But nothing compares to those cuddles and those moments of looking into his eyes, with his stare fixed on mine.
I feel like I missed the first few weeks of his life like I wasn’t actually there. The post birth haze of adjusting to a new way of life with crazy sleep deprivation was the cause of that. His newborn clothes no longer fit, he’s getting too long for the next size up and it feels like he hasn’t really worn any of them.
So I’m now soaking up everything and enjoying our days together before I turn around and realise that my maternity leave is over.
Being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done; and I’m only six weeks in.